Before you read this latest installment on my blog, please know if you have a sensitive stomach when talking about bodily fluids, peeing, and/or defecation, then this entry is probably not for you, the faint of heart. If you think burps and farts are hilarious like me, and maybe even cute with a baby, then read on, my friend. Please also be sure to watch the humorous baby song spin-off videos at the bottom of this blog entry as well.
While Lisa, my wife, was attempting to take a shower this morning, I was assigned with the simple task of watching Annabelle, holding her in my arms. Before Lisa even stepped into the shower, Annie suddenly started grimacing with this unusual vocal grunt as her shoulders pushed slightly upwards, “Eeeeeerrrrrrrghhhh!”
Annabelle proceeded to fart several times with squeaky sounds, like she might be having fluid diarrhea. I decided to wait a few minutes before changing her diaper because I speculated this changing might lead to a large eruption. Little eruptions kept peaking as I felt movement in the booty section of her britches. I have learned that you wait until the relieving process is complete before taking off her clothes and exchanging the dirty diaper for a clean one.
Bowel movements seemed to end, and Annabelle was no longer frowning with passionate groans. As I unfolded the diaper, the Brown Nile flooded these holy plains, and liquid diarrhea covered the bottom portion of her clothes outside of the diaper. I needed backup, and I was screaming for Lisa’s motherly touch. “Help me! Help me! Help me!” Since her birth, I have never used as many wipes as I did today. Lisa was about to hop in the shower, and in the wake of my cries, she thought something abruptly tragic had happened. I startled Lisa with my shaken gasps of trying to hold my breath, so I did not smell the stench, feeling an upchuck vomit reflux come into my mouth.
As we both wiped up the mess and got all hysteria and panicked shouts under control, Annabelle clearly needed a bath even after utilizing all the wipes in a local Wal-Mart’s inventory. As Lisa was filling up her small plastic bathtub, I held naked Annabelle in my arms where she snuggled up against my chest and immediately seemed to be calm and relaxed. Within a minute, something wet drizzled down my clothes. Annabelle had suddenly peed on me with a puddle forming on the floor. The cool nature of the air around us must have made her feel very comfortable to release herself now from the front end. As Lisa took the baby to begin her bath, it appeared that I had been the one who peed on myself as the front of my t-shirt and pants suddenly stained wet from Annabelle’s relieved bladder.
Even in that moment, Lisa and I laughed hard. How could one be upset with a baby who has only lived for seven weeks thus far in her lifetime? This moment was going to be a memory long remembered. These present junctures represent good times of lessons and laughs to be experienced as a new father. Blessings can be found in the laughter we had today and in future moments like it. We can choose to enjoy the day we live in right now, no matter what happens in these present times. We can laugh. We can cry. And we can rejoice with the healthy baby we now know whose digestive track clearly works just fine.
If you found this blog entry humorous, then I also think you will enjoy these funny YouTube videos of babies singing about a baby’s life and the bodily functions that follow.
(#daddydestinations #daddy #blog #family #DaddiesAndDaughters #destinations #memories)
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