Ten Years, Three Powerful Lessons, and a Lifetime of Gratitude

Ten Years, Three Powerful Lessons, and a Lifetime of Gratitude

Reflections on love, family, personal growth, and celebrating the moments that matter most.

(Lisa and I attended the Pumpkins at Callaway Festival hosted by Callaway Gardens.)

This past October, Lisa and I celebrated ten years of marriage, a milestone that prompted me to reflect on a decade filled with memories, challenges, laughter, personal growth, and countless blessings.

We have welcomed two beautiful children into our family, celebrated important milestones, and navigated difficult seasons. Marriage and parenthood have stretched us, humbled us, and taught us that loving another person requires patience and a willingness to keep learning. I am grateful to walk through those experiences with someone who continues choosing to build a life with me.

For me, that person is my wife, Lisa. She has been beside me through chapters that were exciting and others that were anything but predictable. Our anniversary offered a chance to step outside the routines of daily life and remember why those shared years matter.

Our tenth anniversary celebrations gave us some treasured time together and reminded me of three lessons that have become especially meaningful over these ten years.

A Mountain Getaway Worth Remembering

(This view grabbed our attention from our room on the second level of the lodge where we stayed, near Pine Mountain State Park.) 

(Lisa and I celebrated our anniversary with a meal at Carriage and Horses Restaurant in Pine Mountain.) 

Earlier in October, Lisa and I traveled to Pine Mountain, Georgia, for a rare overnight getaway without our children. If you have young children, you probably understand how special that opportunity can be!

Annabelle and Jace bring tremendous joy and purpose into our lives, but uninterrupted time as husband and wife can be hard to find. Fortunately, a close friend in Auburn graciously offered to watch the kids overnight.

We stayed at a beautiful mountain lodge overlooking the valley near Pine Mountain and Callaway Gardens. Rolling hills and distant mountains stretched across the landscape, while a picturesque wedding chapel and event center stood across the road. It was a peaceful setting, and I loved simply looking out across the valley with Lisa. We could see layer after layer of hills in the distance, and the setting seemed to invite us to stop thinking about schedules, deadlines, and whatever was waiting back home. We had a rare opportunity to be fully present.

Ten years earlier, we had promised to walk through life together. Now we were standing on a mountainside, reflecting on where that commitment had taken us.

During the trip, we explored Callaway Gardens and its beautiful Butterfly Center. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner, then returned to the gardens for a Halloween-themed event. The following morning, we visited a local coffee shop, browsed artisan stores in Pine Mountain, and stopped for breakfast at a diner before returning to Auburn.

The activities were not extravagant, but that was part of their appeal. I especially enjoyed that we could make small decisions together, whether that meant lingering over coffee or stopping at a store that caught our attention, without feeling like we had to rush to the next activity. We could talk without rushing, enjoy a meal at our own pace, and focus on one another. Sometimes, the greatest luxury in life is uninterrupted time with someone you love.

(These pictures show beautiful butterflies in the Butterfly House at Callaway Gardens.)  

Celebrating the Places and People We Love

(Lisa, Annabelle, and Jace walked around Auburn University's campus with me for ole' times sake. I have many fond memories from my time in graduate school there.) 

We also spent several days in Auburn, Alabama, a place that still feels like a second home. I earned my master's degree at Auburn University, so returning with Annabelle and Jace was particularly meaningful.

I showed them Jordan-Hare Stadium, Samford Hall, and some of the historic buildings on campus. Walking those familiar paths reminded me how much life has changed. Years ago, I was a graduate student thinking about my career and what the future might hold. This time, I returned as a husband and father, sharing part of my past with the family that means so much to my future. Seeing the campus through my children's eyes reminded me that the places we cherish can take on new meaning when we share them with the people we love.

Around our actual anniversary, Lisa and I enjoyed another evening together in Knoxville. We went shopping for clothes, something we rarely have time to do without the kids, and I bought her a few beautiful new pieces. Then we had dinner at P.F. Chang's, one of my favorite restaurants.

A shopping trip and dinner may sound ordinary, but we appreciated every minute. Between Pine Mountain, Auburn, and Knoxville, our anniversary felt like a genuine celebration of the life we have built.

The most meaningful part, however, was not the destinations or purchases. It was remembering what these ten years have taught us.

(On three occasions, Lisa and I took the kids to the Town Creek Playground for several hours. It was the largest inclusive playground I have ever seen.) 

Three Powerful Lessons from Ten Years of Marriage

Lesson 1: Serving Others Brings Greater Joy Than Living Only for Yourself

One of the greatest lessons marriage and fatherhood have taught me is that serving others often brings more joy than focusing exclusively on ourselves.

I have spent much of my adult life pursuing academic, professional, and personal goals. Ambition is not inherently wrong, but personal achievements alone cannot define a fulfilling life. Some of my happiest moments have come from caring for Lisa and our children, helping close friends, and supporting family members through difficult circumstances.

One of the things I appreciate about marriage is that it gives us daily opportunities to practice what we say we believe. We do not need a special occasion or a public audience to express care. Often, the truest measure of service is how we treat the people who see us when we are tired or distracted.

Service is not always dramatic. It may mean preparing dinner, helping with the kids, taking care of a household responsibility, or offering encouragement when someone is discouraged. Small actions communicate love in ways that words alone cannot.

I certainly do not get this right every day. Work and responsibilities sometimes consume my attention, and I have to remind myself that the people closest to me deserve more than whatever energy remains at the end of the day.

Marriage has challenged me to serve more intentionally. Jesus provides the ultimate example in Mark 10:45 (NIV), where He explains why He came to serve others: “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” His example challenges our assumptions about success. Recognition, money, and status may have value, but they cannot replace the fulfillment that comes from making someone else's life better.

Serving my family does not mean ignoring my own needs or pretending I never get tired. Love also requires rest, honesty, and mutual care. It means showing up consistently and remembering that the people we love are more important than our to-do lists.

After ten years of marriage, I have learned that the joy of giving yourself to the people you love often exceeds the temporary satisfaction of simply getting what you want. That is a kind of success worth pursuing.

Lesson 2: Becoming a Better Person Is a Lifelong Journey

Marriage has also taught me that personal growth never really ends. I want to become a better husband, father, communicator, listener, friend, and giver, not because I expect perfection, but because the people I love deserve my continued effort.

As a Communication professor, I have spent years teaching students about listening, relationships, emotional awareness, and conflict. Yet studying and teaching communication certainly does not mean I always communicate perfectly at home!

Some of my most important lessons have happened outside the classroom. Marriage has taught me that listening takes patience, understanding another person's perspective takes humility, and resolving disagreements sometimes requires setting aside pride. Protecting a relationship is more important than winning an argument.

Parenthood reinforces those lessons every day. As Annabelle and Jace grow, each new stage challenges me to become more patient, kind, and intentional. Some days, I feel good about the father I am becoming. Other days, I wish I had listened more carefully or responded differently. I suspect many parents understand that feeling. It can be humbling to realize that children are learning not only from the lessons we intentionally teach, but also from the way we speak to one another, react to frustration, and handle disappointment. Those everyday interactions give me plenty of reasons to keep growing.

Recognizing our shortcomings is not a reason to give up. It is an invitation to grow. We can acknowledge mistakes, ask forgiveness, and make better choices without demanding perfection from ourselves or the people around us.

I find encouragement in Paul's words in Philippians 1:4-6 (NIV), which remind believers that God continues His work in us: “In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." That promise reminds me that my character is still being shaped. Growing in faith does not mean I have already learned everything I need to know about loving others well. I am not the same person I was when Lisa and I exchanged our vows. Marriage, fatherhood, success, disappointment, loss, faith, and perseverance have all shaped me. I hope that ten years from now, I will recognize even more growth.

Becoming better is not a destination we eventually reach. It is a lifelong commitment to learning, growing, and loving others more intentionally.0

Lesson 3: Celebrate the Milestones, but Never Forget the Small Moments

Our anniversary reminded me that life is worth celebrating, not only through major accomplishments but also through the ordinary experiences that make a day meaningful.

Graduations, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, career achievements, and vacations are wonderful mountaintop moments. They deserve to be celebrated. Yet life does not happen exclusively on mountaintops. Much of it unfolds in the quieter spaces between major events.

I see that when Annabelle laughs in another room, when Jace runs toward me excited to show me something, or when our family gathers around the dinner table. I see it during conversations with Lisa, Saturday mornings at home, or a sunset after a long day.

Sometimes, I need to remind myself to slow down, look up, notice the sky, and appreciate the changing colors of the leaves. I want to hear my children laughing and recognize the beauty that exists within an ordinary day. It can be surprisingly easy to overlook those moments when my mind is occupied with work or the next responsibility. Yet those are often the memories that stay with me long after a busy week has ended.

Annabelle and Jace will not always be this young.

One day, the toys scattered across our living room will be gone. They will no longer need help with so many little things, and routines that sometimes feel exhausting may become memories we wish we could experience again.

I do not want to become so consumed with preparing for the future that I forget to enjoy the blessings God has placed in front of me today.

Of course, appreciating life does not mean every day is easy. Our marriage and family have known uncertainty, emotional exhaustion, disappointment, and grief. Some days are simply hard. I would never suggest that recognizing something beautiful makes grief disappear or solves a problem that still needs attention. Sometimes the most we can do is receive a brief moment of peace in the middle of a difficult day. But gratitude and hardship can exist together; we can acknowledge pain while recognizing moments of goodness and hope.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV) reminds us that life includes different seasons: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." Some seasons bring celebration, while others demand patience and perseverance. We cannot always choose our circumstances, but we can learn to notice what is meaningful within them, even when life looks different from what we imagined.

Standing on that mountainside in Pine Mountain, I was reminded how quickly ten years had passed. That decade held major celebrations, but it also contained thousands of ordinary moments that became the foundation of our shared life.

Celebrate the big victories, but do not overlook the small moments. One day, you may discover that those small moments were among the greatest blessings of all.

Ten Years Down, a Lifetime of Memories Still to Make

As I reflect on our tenth wedding anniversary, the feeling that remains strongest is gratitude.

I am grateful for Lisa, an incredible wife, partner, and mother who brings love, encouragement, and joy into our home. I am grateful for Annabelle and Jace, whose lives have brought us more happiness and meaning than I could have imagined. I am grateful for the friends and family who have supported us along the way, and above all, for God's faithfulness through every season.

Ten years of marriage have taught me that love is more than a feeling. It is a commitment expressed through patience, service, forgiveness, encouragement, and the daily choice to keep building a life together.

The next ten years will bring changes we cannot predict. Our children will grow older, family routines will shift, and new opportunities and challenges will come. I hope we continue traveling, laughing, supporting our children, strengthening our marriage, and appreciating ordinary moments along the way. I hope we make space for each other even when our calendars are full and remember that a strong marriage is built in countless ordinary choices, not only during anniversaries and vacations.

Lisa, thank you for ten incredible years. Thank you for your patience, love, encouragement, and commitment to our family. Thank you for celebrating the victories with me, standing beside me in difficult seasons, and helping build a home filled with memories.

I know I am not a perfect husband, and I still have room to grow. I hope each passing year makes me a better husband, father, and partner to you.

Ten years ago, we began building a life together. Today, that life includes two beautiful children and more blessings than I could have imagined. Whatever the next decade brings, I am grateful we get to experience it together.

Every day is a gift from the Lord, and I never want to become so busy preparing for tomorrow that I forget to appreciate the beautiful life we have today.

Here's to ten years of marriage, a lifetime of gratitude, and the beautiful journey still ahead.

-James L. Cartee, III, Ph.D.

 

 #10YearAnniversary #MarriageJourney #FaithAndFamily #ChristianMarriage #LifeLessons #GratefulHeart #MarriageAndFamily #PersonalGrowth #GodsBlessings #CherishTheMoments #MakingMemories #EveryDayIsAGift

Come Into the Light: The Burdens We Cannot See

Come Into the Light: The Burdens We Cannot See

By: James L. Cartee, III, Ph.D.

(This is the view of the rainbow from the main cabin where we stayed. The cabin stands on top of a mountain.)

I traveled to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, for a Christian retreat, expecting a weekend of mountain scenery, spiritual renewal, and meaningful fellowship. I returned home with an even deeper realization: many people who appear to be doing well are quietly carrying burdens no one else can see. The retreat brought together graduate students from two universities in the southeastern United States through a Christian ministry I first joined as a doctoral student in 2020. Although I graduated in 2024, I have remained involved as a faculty member and participant because I believe Christian relationships and supportive communities can become sources of light during life’s darkest seasons.

The cabins were located near the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. It was the kind of setting where people could step away from demanding schedules, enjoy the beauty of the mountains, spend time with friends, and seek God’s direction.

During one of our sessions, the guest speaker used a simple but deeply revealing exercise. He distributed notecards and asked everyone to answer three questions anonymously:

How were you feeling about life before arriving at the retreat?

What did you hope to receive from the weekend?

What did you want to experience while you were in the mountains?

Approximately 50 to 60 people attended the retreat. Most were graduate students, along with two ministers, a few faculty members, and other volunteers. From the outside, it probably looked like a gathering of intelligent, capable, successful, and spiritually committed people.

Then the speaker began reading the anonymous responses.

One person felt exhausted. Another was seriously depressed. Others described themselves as tired, weary, discouraged, defeated, emotionally sick, lost, or severely anxious. One person admitted to being tremendously afraid of death.

As the cards were read aloud, it seemed that at least half of the responses carried some form of emotional heaviness. Card after card revealed a painful reality hiding beneath the surface.

As I listened, four words entered my mind with unmistakable clarity:

“Come into the light.”

I could not stop thinking about how many people live each day surrounded by others while privately struggling in darkness. They attend classes, meet deadlines, conduct research, go to work, participate in church, care for their families, and complete their responsibilities. They may smile, laugh, worship, and carry on ordinary conversations.

Yet internally, they may feel as though they are barely holding themselves together.

That moment led me to examine my own awareness. I study and teach Health Communication. I have written about psychological distress, mental-health help-seeking, stigma, and the importance of supportive relationships. I have also experienced difficult seasons in my own life.

Still, hearing those anonymous responses reminded me that knowing about suffering is not the same as noticing the suffering of the people sitting beside us.

The burdens were already in the room. Most of us simply could not see them.

For the past several years, my own life has contained a great deal of light. Since the birth of my daughter, Annabelle, our family has experienced tremendous joy and meaningful support. That does not mean life has always been easy. We have walked through health concerns, grief, uncertainty, and painful loss. Nevertheless, God has surrounded us with people who have loved us, prayed for us, encouraged us, and helped us continue moving forward.

Listening to those cards made me even more grateful for that support. It also reminded me that the light we receive is not meant to stop with us. God can use the compassion we have experienced to help us recognize and respond to someone else’s pain.

Creating Communities Where People Can Be Honest

The light we receive should shape how we respond to others. Galatians 6:2 tells us, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (NIV).

This calling requires more than telling hurt people to pray harder, think positively, or demonstrate greater faith. Carrying someone’s burden means being willing to remain present when that person’s pain is uncomfortable or difficult to understand. It means listening without rushing to provide an easy answer. It means taking people seriously when they say they are not doing well.

Sometimes carrying a burden means sitting quietly with someone who cannot find the right words. Sometimes it means sending a message and asking, “How are you really doing?” Sometimes it means helping someone connect with a pastor, counselor, physician, support group, crisis resource, or trusted loved one. Sometimes it means checking on the person again after everyone else has moved on.

Christians should be among the safest people to approach during seasons of psychological distress. Our churches, ministries, Bible studies, classrooms, and friendships should be places where people do not have to pretend that everything is fine. Faith does not require us to hide our pain. Scripture is filled with people who cried out to God from places of grief, fear, confusion, exhaustion, and despair.

Coming into the light does not mean telling everyone everything. Some experiences are deeply personal, and wisdom matters when deciding where and with whom to share them. Coming into the light may begin with one honest conversation with a trustworthy person. It may mean accepting prayer, asking for practical help, contacting a mental-health professional, or finally admitting, “I cannot carry this by myself anymore.”

There is no shame in needing support. There is also no shame in receiving professional care.

Prayer, Christian community, medical treatment, and professional counseling do not need to compete with one another. God can work through caring friends, trained professionals, pastors, physicians, family members, and many other forms of responsible support.

The retreat reminded me that darkness is often closer than we realize. It also reminded me that darkness does not have the final word. John 1:5 offers this assurance: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (NIV).

Darkness may be real, painful, and difficult to escape, but it is NOT more powerful than the light of Christ. Even when people cannot see a clear way forward, God’s presence has not disappeared.

Jesus calls us toward light, truth, love, and community. When people find the courage to reveal their pain, our responsibility is not to judge them, dismiss them, or make their struggle sound simple. Our responsibility is to meet their honesty with compassion.

Someone around you may be waiting for permission to speak honestly. Your kindness could help that person believe it is safe to take the first step. You do not need perfect words, professional expertise, or an immediate solution. You can listen. You can remain present. You can pray. You can help connect that person with appropriate support.

You can remind someone that they do not have to walk through the darkness alone.

If you are struggling, you might pray for the courage to tell one trustworthy person what you are experiencing. You can ask God for wisdom about where to seek help, strength to take the next step, and the willingness to receive support when it is offered. You can pray for reminders of God’s presence when your emotions make Him seem distant.

If someone you know is struggling, you might pray for greater awareness, patience, discernment, and compassion. Ask God to help you listen before speaking and recognize when someone needs more support than you can provide alone. Pray for the humility to remain present without pretending to possess every answer.

The cards at that retreat revealed that many people are carrying invisible burdens. They also revealed why supportive Christian community matters. When one person steps into the light and another person responds with compassion, the burden may not disappear immediately. However, it no longer has to be carried alone.

The light still shines in the darkness. Sometimes God allows us to reflect a small portion of that light for someone who desperately needs to see it. Through the darkness, I still hear the Holy Spirit’s invitation: “Come into the light. Come into the light.”

(This was my first time playing a game called fishbowl. The game involved elements of charades. It was a lot of fun!)

(This t-shirt is a compliment to my beautiful wife, Lisa.)

(Some of the graduate students were shopping and relaxing in the village market in Downtown Gatlinburg.)

(Some of the guys and I played putt-putt golf indoors at a parrot-themed course.)

(Someone left their garbage locker unlocked in another cabin nearby. As a result, the bear received a free lunch.)

(This is another graduate student who enjoys photography as much as myself.)

(Here are some more pictures of the rainbow from different angles. This perspective was the view from our cabin on top of a mountain.)

(The rainbow stayed present for a little while. There were plenty of opportunities for portraits with the rainbow in the background.)

(Here is a group photo with many of the girls who attended the weekend retreat.)

 

#ComeIntoTheLight #ChristianMentalHealth #FaithAndMentalHealth #CarryEachOthersBurdens #ChristianCommunity #MentalHealthAwareness #YouAreNotAlone #HopeInDarkPlaces #LightInTheDarkness #EmotionalWellness #SupportOneAnother #CompassionInAction #FaithInHardSeasons #EndTheStigma #InvisibleBurdens