When a Friend Becomes the Professor: What Matthew Calhoun Taught Me About Life
(Matthew attended my Ph.D. graduation at The University of Tennessee in May 2024. We took this photo shortly after the event.)
In November, I lost one of the closest companions God ever placed in my life, my dear friend, Matthew Calhoun. Matthew lived with a joyful, vibrant spirit that poured itself out in service, friendship, and love. As I have reflected on the years we spent together—hiking mountains, celebrating milestones, praying in quiet places—I realize how much of my spiritual life has been shaped by watching the way Matthew lived his own.
In this time of grief, God has reminded me that some of the most meaningful truths we learn do not come from books or classrooms. They come from the quiet faithfulness of a friend who lives out the love of Christ with sincerity. The life lessons Matthew embodied continue to rise to the surface of my memory, shaping how I see God, how I love others, and how I hope to live moving forward.
1. Be Present With God—Right Where Your Feet Are
Matthew knew how to dwell in the moment. He understood what it meant to slow down, breathe deeply, and simply be in the presence of God. One of the clearest mental pictures I remember was watching him hike through Shenandoah National Park. Matthew would pause along the trail to pray silently, admire a waterfall, or rest on a rocky overlook with his heart wide open to the Lord.
For Matthew, prayer was not confined to a church building or a structured routine. It often happened in the quiet spaces of nature, in stillness, in silence. He believed that stepping into God’s creation helped clear the noise of the world so that the voice of the Shepherd could be heard more clearly.
Psalm 23 comes to mind with these memories: “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake” (Psalm 23:2–3).
Matthew lived these verses. He taught me that God speaks most clearly when we slow down long enough to listen. He showed me the sacredness of being fully present in prayer, in creation, and in the simple gift of now.
2. Celebrate the Joy of Others—Even When the Spotlight Isn’t on You
Another defining quality of Matthew was the way he celebrated people. He did not just show up for the routine moments. He showed up for the milestones that define a person’s life.
He was
there the night I proposed to Lisa in 2015, cheering with us when she said
“Yes.”
He stood beside me as my best man during our small wedding ceremony in the fall
of 2016.
He returned in May 2017 for our big celebration ceremony where we exchanged
vows publicly.
And in 2024, he sat in the audience at my Ph.D. graduation from the University
of Tennessee, smiling with pride as I walked across that stage. I remember
Matthew standing tall in the distance while holding his fists in the air as if
he was sitting right next to me, celebrating the occasion alongside the journey
down the aisle.
While Matthew attended these moments, he also participated in them. He carried the joy with me. He honored what mattered to me, and in doing so, he reminded me that love pays attention when others shine.
Romans 12:15 says it simply: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
Matthew lived both sides of that verse with grace. He celebrated my achievements as though they were his own, teaching me that true friendship means stepping into someone else's joy with a full and grateful heart. The spotlight never threatened him. Instead, he loved watching God bless the people around him.
3. Love the Least of These—Without Judgment and Without Hesitation
One cold night in Birmingham, Matthew and I were driving to a haunted house event at Sloss Furnace. The temperature hovered in the mid-30s, and we noticed two homeless individuals standing at separate corners, holding signs for help.
Without hesitation, Matthew rolled down his window and handed each person a five-dollar bill. With each moment, he reached into the center console of his Toyota 4Runner, where he kept an envelope full of small bills—intentionally set aside to bless people in need.
I remember telling him, “We may not know what they spend this money on.” I meant well, but his response carried a wisdom I will never forget.
He said, “I do not care what they use this money for. I only care for them to know that God loves them…to give them a moment where somebody sees them as a person instead of judging them.”
Matthew was not interested in qualifying compassion. His mission was simply to extend dignity and to show the love of Christ right there in that brief moment.
Jesus says in Matthew 25:40: “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for Me.”
Matthew lived this truth with open hands and an open heart. He taught me to give without assuming, to help without hesitation, and to love people right where they are. God sees the struggles of these individuals fully, even when we do not observe them fully.
Honoring a Life That Reflected Christ
Matthew’s example continues shaping the way I want to live:
- Present with God.
- Present for others.
- Present for the hurting.
His love for people was magnetic. His joy was contagious. And his compassion was a clear reflection of the heart of Christ.
I will miss our adventures. I will miss our conversations. I will miss the simple comfort of knowing he was always there.
But I will honor his legacy—through my actions, my words, and the way I choose to love others…just as he did.
May we all live a little more like Matthew: rooted in presence, overflowing with celebration, and generous with compassion.
And may God receive the glory for the life of His faithful servant and my dear friend. Amen.
(In Summer 2022, Matthew and I hiked and summitted the Welsh 3000’s, which covers several peaks at 3,000 feet across Wales. The hike took approximately three full days and encompassed about thirty miles. There were some parts of the hike that were rainy and cold.)
(Jace meets Matthew. I will never forget this moment….Jace walked to Matthew and then held up his arms to be picked up as Matthew entered the door.)
(After camping for several days, Matthew and my family picnicked at a local park in Knoxville that had several food trucks. This is the same visit where we took the previous photo of Matthew holding Jace.)
(The kids often enjoyed wrestling with Matthew and sitting on his lap.)
(After graduation, my parents hosted a lunch party at a restaurant named Calhoun’s in Knoxville. This is our group photo with Matthew. My dissertation advisor, Dr. Laura Miller, also attended the luncheon. It was very special having both Matthew and Laura celebrate with us!)
(This is our goofy pose at the celebration lunch. Matthew had a natural ability to bring joy into every situation. I am always smiling and laughing in his presence.)
(On the same trip to Wales, Matthew and I stopped in Liverpool, where we went to the Cavern – a famous venue where the Beatles and several other famous musicians performed.)
(Here is a close-up photo on our Welsh 3000’s hike.)
(As part of our time in London on the same trip mentioned before, Matthew and I took a day trip at Stonehenge. The history and stories of Stonehenge are incredible!)
(From the top of the Cape Henry lighthouse in Virginia Beach, Matthew and I view another lighthouse across the street in the background of this picture.)
#InLovingMemory
#HonoringMatthew #LegacyOfFaith #LessonsFromFriendship #FaithfulFriend #LifeWellLived
#PresentInTheMoment #ServeWithLove #WalkingInFaith
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